So I’d figured out some of why my writing’s been blocked – too low energy to pull the words out, inability to pull together the disparate portions of my first draft, etc. – but I knew that wasn’t all of it.
I’m feeling some concern that my book won’t conform to the genre and therefore will be a hard sale. And I feel a little bit of pressure now that I’ve received positive professional feedback and interest. You can argue those types of doubts away – JUST WRITE, DAMNIT – so I know that’s not all of it either.
I realized that I’m worrying so much about the constraints and expectations of the genre that I worry my own voice is getting overwritten with what it “should” be. Again, consciously realizing that, I have a better chance of fighting it and of fighting my subconscious reluctance to write – JUST WRITE!!
So then. One last realization: I worry that my story is going to be too dark. Too dark for whom? Well too dark for me. I have a very active, though sometimes obscure, sense of humor and I worry that spending more years writing such a dark book will depress the hell out of me.
Until I realized last night that while the outline of the book may be dark, my characters aren’t. More than a little of my dryness, humor, and sarcasm are seeping into them and that’s what’ll carry this story and make it interesting to me. I want to know how they’re going to handle the crap and hell I’m throwing at them. I’m a big believer that a sense of humor can carry you through the darkest times because to me, humor is linked to hope: if it won’t be better, at least it’ll be amusing.
And now I can write. And did: I sketched out a scene on Saturday that was pulled from a dream I had and it’s the first time I’ve been seriously toying with writing in the first person.
I’m excited again.
Good luck to you on this week’s writing!